While I find this meme kinda funny, it does not describe my mother-in-law.   My mother-in-law is actually one of the nicest people I know.  She has treated me so kindly throughout my marriage thus far.  When I had just moved into a new town, was 9 months pregnant and had 3 young kiddos, I knew I could count on her to stay with my little ones so that my husband could take me to the hospital.  She and my father-in-law immediately drove the three hours to our house when the time came.  I love the support they are to us.

O.K. maybe we aren't quite Ruth and Naomi, but I am proof that in-laws can enrich and bless your life.

Too much, Too Much Chocolate Cake

Brent and I see eye-to-eye on most things.  One exception would be food.  When my oldest was only about a year old, I had left him with Brent while I showered.  I came out of the shower to find them both on the couch eating Oreos, a bag of Oreos.  The baby had not had breakfast yet so I was pretty upset.  They both saw me coming and knew they were busted so they both began hoarding Oreos.  My husband started shoving some in his shirt and the baby started stuffing them in his mouth.  Poor little guy couldn't even close his mouth.  I had to hold him over the sink and scrape out the Oreos so that he wouldn't gag.  Fast forward about 15 years later.  My then 4 year old's favorite cake is Too Much Chocolate Cake.  I made one for a Relief Society dinner and one for the family so they wouldn't feel left out.  I came home late and they were all in bed.  Later that night my 4 year old woke up puking all over his bed.  You guessed it, chocolate cake.  I cleaned him up and put him on the couch.  A little while later, he puked all over the couch, again chocolate cake.  I cleaned him up again and put him in the bed with his sister.  Again he puked more chocolate cake.  Exasperated I asked, "How much cake did you have?"  He replied, "Dad let me have four pieces!"  The next day I confronted  Brent.  He responded in his defense that "I only knew about two of the pieces."  I know that Brent may never be the food cop that I am, and I should probably thank him for letting my kids learn through mistakes and consequences.  As my four year old now knows that it is not good to have too much Too Much Chocolate Cake.

Essential Ingredients to a Happy family

One of my favorite Chinese dishes is called Happy Family.  I assume there are variations of this dish but for the most part there are some essential ingredients.  The different ingredients add not only color and flavor but also nutrition.  Just like a family system I believe the father is one of the essential "ingredients"of a happy family.  The very first thing a man does that sets him on the path to being an effective father is falling in love with his sweetheart.  Then he needs to marry her.  When he marries her he needs to develop a close, loving and intimate bond with her.  They now are ready to bring children into this union.  The love he feels for his wife leads to a desire to take part in the care taking of the children.  The time he invests in caring for the children leads to a deep bond with his children and a desire to provide and protect them.  Children feel the love from their parents and feel secure when they see that their parents love each other.  This leads to a happy family!  See picture below:

Conflict Resolution

Perhaps conflict resolution may be the one thing I am most under qualified to blog about.  But I do have an opinion and hopefully some insight.  Having four kids means there is always conflict at some level in our home, and resolution can be a struggle to achieve.  What I have found is that anger drives The Spirit away, but resolving problems can draw you nearer to God.  Perhaps this is because in anger we sometimes relinquish control of our emotions, words, actions etc.  This allows Satan the opportunity to "take control."  He is then able to orchestrate destruction.  Destruction of self-esteem, family bonds, love, friendship and harmony in the home.  In the rubble you will find failed marriages and broken families.  On the other hand, a family that works to resist the temptation to relinquish control  over to Satan, and instead turns to the Lord asking for understanding, compassion and strength will find that problems are worked through and bonds are strengthened.  Gotta go, I hear yelling...

Paris Attacks

Yesterday was a horrific day in Paris.  Terrorist led multiple attacks throughout Paris.  So many people were killed and even more injured.  My cousin was in Paris that night and saw emergency vehicles go by all night. It is a country caught up in a conflict up epic proportions.  What does this have to do with family conflicts?  How does it apply to me?  We all have conflicts on a daily basis.  At least I do, and I think anyone with children does.  My 9 year old and 13 year old boys have a hard time getting along.  Perhaps it's because of their age difference, but in any case a long 6 hour round trip in one day did not help either.  I found that I needed to help them through several small "battles" through out the day.  They finally agreed to be friends when they wanted to share a game  at the restaurant  (restaurants are now providing "tablets" at the table) As I reflected on the hate being perpetuated in France, I thought of the family and how hate or love all starts there.  Generations of terrorists are teaching and breeding hate.  I imagine lessons of compassion, compromise and charity were not a part of their childhood.  I don't in any way make an excuse for their actions, but I understand that more than ever there is a war being waged on love.  Satan knows that if he can corrupt hearts and poison it, filling it with hate, he unleashes power to bring despair and pain to the good.  I constantly remind my boys that they really do love each other, that they are not always going to get along but their love for each other will either grow or be lost.

Here is a letter my 9 year old wrote to his other older brother that is on a mission.  It gives me hope that they are going to be o.k.

It reads: I miss you with all my heart. love, Michael   p.s. please pray that me and Matt can get along also we got an Acura.

So this week I feel like I need to address all the hoopla that is going on about the LDS policy on baptizing children whose parents are of the same sex.  I had thought there would be a sense of relief from same-sex unions that the LDS church would not actively try and "brainwash" their children.  It seems the dissenting voices are demanding that the church recognize same-sex parents as wholesome and rightous.  I happen to know several "gay" people, and happen to know they come from loving homes with parents that dearly love them.  I know a few that have close relationships with both parents.  How do they justify denying a child the love of a mother and a father?  

They want so bad to be validated, yet so many things we may want in this life are not the best for us.  The church has said marriage should be between a man and a woman because that "lifestyle" gives us the greatest potential for fulfillment and happiness.  This makes the LGBT angry that we would hold on to such "out dated" beliefs.  The church now has said children from LGBT unions should not be baptized.  I would think trying to encourage a child from such a union to be baptized into a religion that taught them that their parent's lifestyle was in opposition of our Heavenly Fathers's plan would be offensive to a LGBT couple.  But they've only used this as another rallying cry of discrimination by the church.  

The first time I saw this picture we were still dating.  It was before the digital age and I wondered why he had taken a picture of a bunch of rocks and I remember thinking he had wasted his film developing this picture.  It was years later when it dawned on me that he had spelled my name with the rocks.  He had been on a trip with some friends and had evidently been thinking of me.  I wonder what other signs of affections I've missed through the years.  Looking back I'm able to name a few:
-He sold his motorcycle to buy my wedding dress
-He stores my name in his phone as "Amy the Hot."
-He keeps his clothes in the laundry room so that when he gets up early he doesn't wake me.
-He does all the vacuuming and ironing
-He lets me have the final decision on almost everything.
-He wants me to go with him everywhere, even doctor's appointments.
-He always lets me drive the newer car.
-He always takes my side when I've felt wronged.

Sometimes it takes many small pieces/acts of kindness to see the message that the bigger picture offers.  I know what love looks like, it's written on the ground with rocks and it's spelled AMY.