The first time I saw this picture we were still dating.  It was before the digital age and I wondered why he had taken a picture of a bunch of rocks and I remember thinking he had wasted his film developing this picture.  It was years later when it dawned on me that he had spelled my name with the rocks.  He had been on a trip with some friends and had evidently been thinking of me.  I wonder what other signs of affections I've missed through the years.  Looking back I'm able to name a few:
-He sold his motorcycle to buy my wedding dress
-He stores my name in his phone as "Amy the Hot."
-He keeps his clothes in the laundry room so that when he gets up early he doesn't wake me.
-He does all the vacuuming and ironing
-He lets me have the final decision on almost everything.
-He wants me to go with him everywhere, even doctor's appointments.
-He always lets me drive the newer car.
-He always takes my side when I've felt wronged.

Sometimes it takes many small pieces/acts of kindness to see the message that the bigger picture offers.  I know what love looks like, it's written on the ground with rocks and it's spelled AMY.

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME!

So yesterday my sweetheart and I were in the mall, shopping at the container store, having a great time planning a remodel for the kid's room.  I girl bends down in front of him to pick up some containers, and I look over to see him checking out this girl.  He looks over at me and knows he's busted.  So busted.  He turns beet red as I raise my eyebrows and shake my head at him.  Then I do something that probably surprised him, but surprised me even more.  I start laughing.  Yes I get it's horrendous behavior, and a much younger me would have probably walked right over and slapped him silly.  Even now I think he would have deserved it, but 22 years of marriage has made me realize that I really like this guy, even when he's not very likeable.  So instead of a long lecture, I say, "what were you thinking?  oh nevermind, I know what you were thinking."  And I let it go.  Sort of.

Why is marriage so hard?  I had four brothers so it wasn't a surprise to me that guys can be gross disgusting slobs.  I wasn't prepared for the differences in our gender to trigger arguments, like "Why can't you put the toilet seat down?!!!"  Which his response would be, "Why don't you put the toilet seat up?!!"  I'm right, right?

The first picture is my 8 year old son responding to my pleadings to get in the tub.  I found the writing on the wall the next day.  The next picture is of my daughter.  Oh so sweet and loving...and clean.  The last picture is of them together.

Yes we're different, it just can't be helped.  And it took having both a daughter and sons to appreciate it.  I love their differences, I wouldn't have them any other way.  My son is going to need that blunt outspoken attitude when he makes his way into the world.  My daughter is going to need that tender heart as she prepares to be a mother.

So back to the marriage.  It turns out I love that my husband thinks differently, acts and reacts differently than me.  I've realized that you can't choose some a la cart of traits that you want in a person.  They are whole and they are perfect in their imperfectness.  Every time tempers flares it is my very own testing ground to see if I will pass or fail the given situation.  Will I show compassion, forgiveness, understanding?  This process refines me, strengthens me, humbles me and makes me feel a little closer to my Savior.  So it seems our loving Heavenly Father knew all along that our differences would bring us together and closer to Him.

After 17 years of waiting...

There are many videos out there depicting birth announcements, and I find them all so moving.  When tears are shed and excitment is felt over welcoming a new spirit into a family, it speaks of a much larger picture.  You can most likely assume that there is a man that loves a woman.  You can assume that they want the best possible future for this little one.   You picture a man that will protect his expectant wife and provide for her.  You see a glowing mother to be as she prepares her home and herself to love and nurture her baby.  This scenerio plays out in homes all over the world.  And when it does, everyone benefits.  Men work harder, try to move up in their positions providing stability for their growing family.  Children are raised in loving stable homes and grow up to be contributing citizens as they follow this pattern.

But what happens when the baby is unwanted?  Here is a woman who was in such a situation, she writes to a "Dear Prudence" an online advice columnist:

Q. Hubby Doesn’t Know: I’ve been married to a great guy for almost three years now. The only problem is that he really wants kids, and I have no desire to put my body through that. A few months ago he wanted to start trying for kids. I agreed, thinking that I could do it for him, but when I realized I was pregnant, I panicked and got an abortion. My husband is starting to worry that we haven’t had any luck and wants to start doing fertility tests. I’m worried that seeing doctors will cause my secret to come out and my husband will leave me. What do I do?

What I found somewhat disturbing is that Prudence is more concerned about the breach of trust, lying, than she is that this woman teminated the life of their child.  How would women take it if a man were to say, "You don't get to be a mother because I don't want our child."  

I think of all the unwanted babies and the implications it implies: Men and women are in relationships that don't involve love and trust.  Lifestyles are more important than life.  Commitment is only o.k. if it's convenient.  

In the bigger picture for society, it paints a gloomy picture for the next generation.

What just happened?  I did not intend for this to be a downer post!  Go back and watch the video of that sweet man shedding tears of joy over the prospect of becoming a father.  More of that and we are going to be just fine!

Marriage

It's been almost 23 years ago since this picture was taken.  Looking back, I cringe at how unprepared I was for what was in store.  No one prepared me for how challenging the road of marriage would be.  To be honest I don't know that I would have listened.  There may be plenty of people out there that have fairy tale marriages, but mine was not one of them.  So here is my advice to those starting out on that adventurous journey of marriage.  Stay married.  Understandably there are those that need to leave or are left without the choice because a spouse has left.  I speak to those that have thoughts of, "I didn't sign up for this.", "I am so unhappy."  "I hate him." "I'm so lonely."  When these thoughts creep in because of discord, bitterness and anger, it's tempting to throw in the towel.  If you've had a goal to hike to a peak, you'll know that the path can at times be daunting.  Sure there are some scenic trails, but towards the peak it tends to get rocky, you're tired, and at times you're not sure if it's really even worth it (you lose sight of the goal).  But if you give up, you miss the best part.  It's that view that you can't get from the bottom or even the middle.  Pictures can't evoke the emotions of fulfillment and joy you get when you see the view from the top for yourself.  (I'm not at the top yet!)  What I have learned so far is that I'm married to an incredible person.  A person who happens to be loved by my Heavenly Father also.  Yes there were times that I wondered, "How much do I love this person?"  Yet a loving Heavenly Father reminds me that He loves him, and He softened my heart when it became hard, or bitter.  So yes, stay married, don't give up!